She won't come you know. Because she's not real. The home that you have in your mind is a construct you made, in order for you to stay alive. Our mind is able to create whatever realities in order to survive, and this is one of the moment.
Because you were so lonely, maybe too lonely that you could not bear it. Each of us run to our safe place in the time of terror. Your safe place is the hug of someone in your head.
There's so much pain bottled up and at some point you can't sustain it again. The choice is to break, or create something to hold on. And you did create that something to hold on. A figure that you would treat as your home, where you can curl up and stop being an adult for a moment.
Even now imagining it, you can imagine the warmness, softness, and safeness of her.
For years, you've slowly create a small world of your own. A state of control in a world where you have no control over anything at all. Decorating each corner of your mind with memento and memory shard.
For a little while, this helps you survive, at the cost of dependency to it. Without it, you are nothing.