If you can't sit with yourself for an hour, you need four.
How long has it been since you sat with yourself, without any distractions (apart from your own brain, of course), and for at least one full hour? And when I say sit with yourself, I mean really sit with your own mind. No notifications, no infinite content to consume, no movie to watch.
If you often do that, I would like to congratulate you. You're one of the rare people on this earth that doesn't endlessly need a distraction so you can use it as an excuse of not getting anywhere closer to what you truly want. If, however, sitting still without distraction feels like torture for you, I write this for you.
You see, ability to sit still with yourself is probably the most important ability in this 21st century, especially where content are cheap and easy dopamine is practically free. This one ability is the core of getting whatever you want in life, and I'm not even joking about it. Why, you asked? Before I explain it, let's make a coffee you and me. Go on, make one now because we're gonna talk about it.
Got my coffee, and I put one shot of bourbon on it. Why? Because why not. I made this coffee exactly as I wrote this, and if you haven't then go make one, buy one, just get a coffee so you and I can have a quality time and talk about this sitting still thingy. Ready?
Why sitting with your own mind is hard
If I were to summarize it, you can't sit alone with your mind because distraction is now oxygen to you. And don't get me wrong, it's not entirely your fault. We are now living in a world where cheap dopamine is everywhere, and we're used to it. What do I mean of that? Let me give you an example:
If you eat fast food for months, carrots would taste plain. It's the power of micro repetition and adjustment. Your taste bud would be adapt to the level of sodium and strong taste, that your taste baseline taste would be attuned to that level. Same thing happened with your mind as well. The more you consume micro contents that spikes you dopamine, you'd be craving more of it. It becomes your primary needs.
From how you dress, what you eat, how you should behave, we are all the product of what we consume. And yes, by consume I mean everything in our senses: What you see, hear, taste, smell, and feel all impact you whether you like it or not.
What you consume, defines who you are
Why does it matter whether I can sit with myself or not?
Short answer: clarity. Prepare for the long answer? Because without that ability, you wouldn't truly know what you want, what you're capable of, your limitations, or even reading this long ass article.
You now have unlimited options: what you eat, what content you consume, what kind of partner you'd choose over. But one thing for sure: you won't be able to get more time. This means your decision on what to consume would be harder with all the options around, unless you know what you want (and have conviction over it). Which leads to the main why: how on earth would you know what you want if you never properly think about it?
Sitting with yourself (again, without any distractions at all) is the only way to truly know what is it that you truly want. Yes, you want to have more money, but it is equally important to think why do you need that money, which will lead to specific sum of money, of then you can optimize the best way to achieve that. Bonus if you write it down because writing is the most efficient way to structure your mind. It also helps you to understand yourself so that you can gauge or adjust your goal compared to who you are now. Goals like "I want to be a billionaire" when you can't even reach $100K is basically just a dream. Might as well dream of a flying hippopotamus.
Knowing who you are + what you want = realistic goal
If you can't sit with your own thoughts for 60 minutes and understand who and what you want, why would you think you would get your dream comes true and not jumping to the next one once you reach it?
This is bullshit, I know what I want!
Woah, I admire you! Either you truly living the life you dreamed of (which you have worked soooo hard for it), or you're just one true avoidant role-model. If you're the former, I bet there's no reason for you to keep reading my writing (or anything in that matter) as you already cracked your purpose of life. And if you're the latter, I bet deep inside, you know you want to change even though you're not really sure how to do that. I'm here sipping my irish coffee to tell you how to do that.
Okay you convinced me, how do I start?
Well, you can take time...now? like right now. What's stopping you? Oh yes, work and responsibilities. That's valid though. But work gotta end today, no? You got chores after that? Do it after your chores then. Too tired after chores? See my friend, this is exactly you need to sculpt a quiet time: you move too fast, but at the same time you're trapped in the same loop all over again. Day by day.
If you can't take one hour 15 minutes of your time to practically doing nothing, you're lying. How long do you think it takes for you to open this article and read it?.
"But I got things to do!"
Yes, so do monks on the top of mountains. Dalai Lama himself got things to do as well. Single-parent of 3 kids even got things to do, maybe more than you. You're just making up excuse now, maybe because you're scared of it. You see, without any distraction, you'd be faced with your own mind. Your own deepest darkest thoughts. Here's a kicker though: the longer you face it, the more it grows.
Or maybe, you don't want to achieve whatever goals and dreams you said you want. After all, dreams and goals are two different things. One is entertainment for you, another is something you worked on day by day patiently.
Whatever it is, excuse is just an excuse. I'm scary as shit to write this because my mind keeps telling me what if I have the grammar wrong, or I got some typo, or how imperfect this article is. Screw that, I'll keep writing.
"I really need to keep moving, otherwise I'll be dead"
Okay for this one, I'll give you the benefit of doubt. Because I've been there as well. If it's about survival, it's imperative that you keep productive (assuming this is about financial). But sorry to break it to you: you still got time even if it's just a small amount. You just gotta break out the rat race strategically. I'll be writing more about it.
What's in it for me?
*Sigh* You'd be one step closer to your goal, whatever that is. Do note that when I said one step closer it's not that close to your end goal, but a step still counts as a step. It'd be scary to try, but I dare you to try for at least one full week:
sculpt 15/30 minutes a day (if you can't do 60 mins) to sit still without much distractions. Turn your phone off (not silent, not airplane mode). No music, no TV, no notifications no matter how important it is. See how your mind is a little bit lighter after. If something crossed your mind, let it be and don't fight it. Think of it as sitting still with yourself, because you're your own best friend. I think this is the true definition of loving yourself, not buying a cup of Starbucks.
Sit with yourself for 30 minutes and write down your experience (yes, write it down, not type it down).
Choose your own path, or the world will chose it for you.
I'll be writing more and creating something so you can track it and eventually get to your goal. Put your email down here if you haven't and share this to whoever you think would benefit from.